If Mohammed were alive today, what kind of car would he drive?

I'm not being funny ... this is the report Megan is supposed to write for her social studies class. So, what do you think?

I think the class is ridiculous and a waste of an hour of valuable school time. A week or so ago the class had to draw posters of ways to save the world from global warming. I can deal with that even though my thoughts on global warming are that many of the causes are natural and not man-made. The problem was that the teacher prefaced the project with "I didn't know what to believe about global warming until I saw Al Gore's movie."

I didn't believe in aliens until I saw Chicken Little. UGH!

This woman is a teacher!

Anyway, I think Mohammed would drive whatever he stole from Jesus. That's just my opinion.

Next subject --- I got a bra "professionally" fitted yesterday. I thought it would be a good idea since I've been losing weight. This tiny asian woman put 7 bras on me -- personally.

I guess it wouldn't have been weird if we weren't in the Olive Garden ladies room.

Not again ...

I've already shown I'm not a "typical" parent. When the monkeys were little, I just bought the toys I thought were cool and didn't worry too much about age restrictions. O.K., I'm not stoopid. I didn't buy a chemistry set for a 2 year old. I'm talking about the choking hazard stuff -- not suitable for children under 3 -- you know.

So, now that the youngest is 5 I shouldn't have to think about it at all anymore, right? Do you see where this is going?

Max got a pirate costume yesterday. Hat, sword, hook and eyepatch. I know you're thinking a sword for a nutjob isn't a good idea ... but it was the eyepatch that was the culprit.

He was fooling around and popped himself in the eye. There is a skull on the eyepatch with the teeth cut out and the patch poked in and scratched his eye. It happened at 10 a.m. He couldn't go to school. He laid in bed all day. He has yet to open his eyes. He's been blinded by the pirate custume not suitable for children under 3. Now I believe these toys should also come with an IQ test.

I'm joking because I left his side for 20 minutes yesterday afternoon. I came back in the room and the TV channel was changed to cartoons and he was "listening" to his favorite show. I'm sure he's a peeker, so he'll be fine today. It will be miraculous. Or we will go to the doctor. Jesus gave him money once, so I'm hoping for the former.

How much does mucus weigh?

So I am going to LA Weight Loss -- 8 weeks now. I started at 163. I am 5'4" so I was pretty tubby. I've only been in the 160s when I was pregnant. After 5 babies, I should have been better at it than I was, but I was miserable. I was gaining 1/2 pound a month no matter what I cut out of my diet -- no soda, no fast food, no sweets, no bread, hormone free meat, no trans fat, no high fructose corn syrup. I called my neurologist -- I have Multiple Sclerosis -- and asked him what I could do because when I exercise my hands and feet go numb. His answer? Get used to being heavier.

Not an option.

So now I'm 142.4 pounds. I have 9 more weeks of weight loss, then 6 weeks of stabilization, then 52 weeks of maintenance. My target weight is 124 to 129.

That's the background of the weight ... the background of the mucus is my son brought a cold home from kindergarden and now I feel 3 pounds heavier just in my sinus cavity. Do you think they will deduct a least 1 pound for mucus weight?

Don't wake me ...

My 6 year old, Jaybean, is a dreamer. It's hard for her to stay on track when doing any task. Homework takes her hours ... as does eating, walking, telling a story and anything done in the bathroom.

So, when I found out she missed recess because she isn't getting classwork done on time, I wanted to help her change. I first explained that "dawdling" isn't helpful and we have to focus more to get things done in a timely manner.

My husband and I sit with her doing homework and try to keep her moving along on track without dawdling. I push her through the morning routine at a regular pace, all the while reminding her not to dawdle. I reminde her as she goes into class not to dawdle while doing her work. I really felt I was making progress.

She went outside to talk with her Dad after about a week of my dawdle-pestering and said, "Dad, what's dawdling?"

On a totally separate note, Sara's bored of her millions of knitting projects, so now she's added this:

Also, here's a picture I wanted to share with the world and I would also like to mention that Beth is a v-pig.

Ain't Betha cute? How did we ever share a bed so long?

Regret ...

So I love all of my tattoos (I'm probably 60% covered, but none on my face -- that would be weird.) but recently I've found that I regret getting them on my hands and neck. Not because I don't like them, but because I think my county, city and state wastes my tax dollars (I'm not going to mention federal, but they are lousy at it too.).

Anyway, I want to run for county commissioner and feel I really wouldn't get the votes due to the tattoos. Maybe 'cause I'm a jerk, too, but they'd have to at least get to know me to know that. The tattoo thing is just a superficial stereotype ... one I accept and understand.

This November there is a ballot initiative about petitioning. The details don't really matter, but what matters is I've thought of a way to help local and state governments reign in all of the spenders in their little "house" and I want to put it out there In case a real politician is reading and wants to take credit for this idea. I'd rather it got into law under any name ...

"Nobody can ask for money or a spending increase without giving a proposal on how to save money or cut the budget first."

I got this idea when I was listening to a story about how people want/don't want a casino near the park at Gettysburg, PA. The National Park Service guy was saying that they only get about $650 million for a budget so they can't hire all of the park rangers they need. They would like a budget of $800 million.

Me too.

I guess it's not his job to say what pie slice they would steal that extra money ... defense? homeland security? transportation? What does he care? Everyone need to take the blinders off and see the whole pie.

So I reiterate ...

"Nobody can ask for money or a spending increase without giving a proposal on how to save money or cut the budget first."

Granted ... it must be my middle name

These are the needles that magically made it to my Watch-List on E-bay. Aparently I needed to buy these.

At 6 days out there were "only" $.99. It was a steal. I put my bid at $32. I took a guess at what a reasonable bid would be without research. Not a good idea 'cause I found them as "buy it now" for $26. I spent the week praying it wouldn't go over the $25 I should have topped my bid at.

Everyday she asks me if I checked the needles & did we win yet. Nary a word of who shall pay.

I did win the needles for $20 and some change. Then I paid. That's what I do. I am mis-taken for Granted all of the time. This is just one example.

I get list of things my kids need all of the time. I've gotten e-mails from a couple of them to remind me of cool things they "need." I did buy a money tree for the dining room. I don't think it's working yet.

On a side note ... Jesus Christ gave my son some pennies in a ziplock bag today at church. That's his story and he's stickin' to it. And I have nothing more to say about it.

Silence ...

I used to sleep until 10 a.m. It wasn't a big deal becasue I work from 1-9 p.m. Dinner was 10 p.m. and I wouldn't hit the sheets 'til at least midnight. Bedtime revolves around my true love, TV. I used to be in love with pie crust but we had a falling out. Now I love TV.

Anyway, since this diet thing I've been doing for 8 weeks ( I'm down from 163 to 144) I've been waking up at 6:30 a.m. I thought at first it was crazy and would try to go back to sleep with no luck. Now I love it.

The kids sleep until at least 8 so I now have something I haven't had in years ... silence!

I get up and do my funny exercises that I learned from the internet. Who knows if I'm doing them right. One of my hips is roundish and one is flat/square, so I am probably off on something. But then I sit and eat breakfast alone with my laptop. I read about Big Brother 7. (I am ridiculous.) And I listen to nothing. No questions, no badgering, no whining. no begging.

Now the silent mornings are a close second to TV. But I'm not going to stop sending love e-mails to my cable company ... don't want to hurt their feelings.

Also, I love this guy.

That's the face he makes when we talk about how much I love TV.