My Son .... and his pants

Max and I are very close. He's my one and only boy. My baby. My diet has affected him, but luckily not enough to stop his waffle addiction.

All of my monkeys have a preoccupation with how their clothes fit. Some want tight, others loose ... some can only wear black, others are very colorful ... and still others only PINK!

Anyway, this morning I hand monkey number 5 pants and a shirt to put on. He looked at the pants like I was crazy.

"You know these don't fit, mom."

"They do too. They are those adjustable ones we got at Old Navy. You like them." Four of the monkeys have a skinny hip issue that makes it rough to buy pants. Too bad that issue won't stick with them through adulthood. But I digress ...

"Fine. But I want you to roll them up."

"Whatever."

He dressed and came out for me to roll up his jeans. I put one roll in them so the cuff would be at the top of his feet.

Minutes later he's behind my chair rolling the jeans to above his knees.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't like them low."

"Well, let me fix them."

I rolled them up higher. Then higher. Then right at his knee. Why? I don't have a clue. He said he doesn't want them to touch his shoes. WHAT?

Then he comes back. "I told you these pants don't fit. Look they are falling down."

They weren't, but I told him to get his belt. I help him put the belt on and as I'm doing it ...

"Don't forget. I like it tight."

"Yeah, yeah. I know."

I put it at a comfortable spot for real humans. And two minutes later ...

"They are still to big, mom. Look, they're falling down."

"Let me tighten the belt." I pull it one hole tighter.

"No, mom, put it here," he says, pointing to the last hole. Right, like I can sinch it down like that. What's the boy want, a corsett?

"I can't put it there."

"You didn't try."

"The pants are fine."

"I don't prefer these pants."

Without laughing I close my eyes and say, "Go find a different pair of pants."

He put on the ones he wore yesterday. And the day before. And the day before that.

They are too short. He's happy.

"Now where are my tight shoes, mom?"

UGH.